i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
