I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
