tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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