batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
