i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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