I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
