dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
