i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everyone says I win the strip club
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
