Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I intend to get homeless drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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