I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize