Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
