its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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