I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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