Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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