Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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