Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Enjoy the penises
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize