What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
