My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize