seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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