I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
