Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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