Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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