Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize