Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
