Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize