I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
