Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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