porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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