Already got asked if we're dating
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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