WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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