i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
