I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
