my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
