My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
