I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
