she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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