I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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