You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
