4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize