Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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