Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
