Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
