So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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