i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize