with your own penis?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
