ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
