it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
