also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
