Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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