I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
