I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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