Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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