i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
