Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
