He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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