we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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