Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
