I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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