she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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