She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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