I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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