Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
