I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize