I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
