is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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