just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
