So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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