After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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