I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
