if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
