Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
