Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
