I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
