There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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